GIVE COWS A VOICE!
Together we can stop discrimination against cows!
For a long time us humans have been discriminating against the cows. Well it's time for all that to stop, and stop right now. I have talked to many people on this issue, and as horrible as it may sound a lot of people show virtually no concern for the issue. Most people blow it off saying "they're cows you dumbass" or "they just eat grass all day" and some people do not even know the issue exists, giving me an answer like "What the hell are you talking about?" For years cows have been considered nothing but grass eating, cud chewing, mooing animals. This couldn't be further from truth. Cows across the world are confined to pastures, filled with their own feces, and are constantly harassed by flies and then taken off to the slaughter house for a few steaks.
Disturbing? I know, but we are going to try to end this
cruelty. Lets take action, and lets take it now!
5-11-02 Please be reminded that that nation of Islam is a peaceful one. I have heard rumors that there are terrorist cows, just because a cow wears a turban does not make him a terrorist. Now lets please try to respect one another.
5-10-02 We are currently in talks with Gateway Computers. We would like to voice our support for the computer maker. There commercials are extremely cow friendly. Not only does the cow have a voice, but is treated like a normal person. The cow is allowed to talk to fellow associates, customers, and even allowed to sing along to his favorite songs. Could corporate America be making the long awaited shift to support cow rights? Who knows, today Gateway, tomorrow McDonalds.
4-15-02 Let us remind Cow owners, that Cows cannot be given alcohol for any reason. Please refrain from doing so, no matter how amusing you may find it.
4-9-02 It has been almost two years since the news section was last updated. This is because Mr. Cow was kidnapped. All of our time in our organization was spent in an effort to track him down. Mr. Cow is still missing. With few clues, and years past, we must move on. We must assume he was mistakenly taken to slaughter, or was the victem of a malicious attack by an unknown source, possibly an associate of either the Republican or Democratic party. After all, he was a threat to both Al Gore, and George Bush for the 2002 presidency. Our prayers and our thoughts are with Mr. Cow. But we will do what we know Mr. Cow would have wanted, and that is to keep up the fight for Cow rights.
5-8-00 There will be another interview conducted with Mr. Cow in the near future. Rumor has it that there will be a Cow Vs Goat debate soon also, and we at Cow News will be the moderators. We're giving you the viewer the chance to ask your questions to either party. So please send all questions for either the interview or the debate to firstname.lastname@example.org and stay tuned for more information.
5-4-00 We have completed our interview with Mr. Cow, he had some interesting things to say. You can read the transcript by going here
5-3-00 Mr. Cow has granted the news department here at the site exclusive coverage of his campaign for the presidency. Expect an interview soon, and we'll be the first to bring you the latest Mr. Cows news.
G.O.N.A.D. (Goats Of North America Department) has filed a complaint with
a federal court recently. The complaint reads that cows have violated copyright
laws. Apparently a group of goats, at some point in time, actually copyrighted
the sound "baaaaa." Their complaint is that "mooo" is strikingly similiar,
because when it is spelled out they both begin with a consonant
followed by a repeated vowel.
Our Take: This is obviously another lame attempt by the goats to gain sympathy. If they really had a problem with copyright infringement they'd sue the sheep, who also can be heard going "baaaa."
official. Mr. Cow has thrown his hat in the ring and will be running for
President. Rumor has it that he will be running as an independant. His
stance on many issues remans unclear, but we'll follow his campaign and
bring you the answers as we receive them.
5-1-00 Cow sexuality is again in question. Since the recent reports of sexual contact between cows and sheep (see the 4-29-00 news update) and the circulation of this picture, which we just received today. For the record we would like to state that this picture is "inconclusive" and it may be assumed that the cow that can be seem humping a black object, is probably just humping a black cow. We would also like to state that a cows personal life should be private, and we ask that photographers stop taking pictures of cows humping.
4-30-00 We are currently in the works of organizing a big event, and we mean BIG. This could be the beginning of the Cow revolution. We are no longer going to treat cows like slaves. So we are asking that you join us, the date has not been determined yet, in the "MILLION COW MARCH" in Washington DC.
We are currently aware of the alleged Cow/Sheep incidents. Our official
statement is that no cow has ever had an intimate relationship with any
sheep, all rumors, reports, and allegations are completely false. It can
be assumed that goats are behind this mess, since the cows and goats have
been hostile towards one another starting back when cows began using the
term "blows goats."
4-27-00 There have been some vicious rumors spreading about cow on cow violence. None of this can be proven, and should not be held against the cow race until all the facts come out.
4-26-00 A recent conspiracy has been discovered. It has long been assumed the cows and humans collaborated together to make a trip to the moon possible. However, because of propaganda wars with the Russians at the time the Cows were cut out of the pictures and were never given proper credit. A picture has recently surfaced finally providing the proof to support this theory.
Coincedence? I think not!
Me: Cows should have a voice.
Cow Hater: If cows want a voice they'll ask for it.
Me: They're cows, they don't speak our langauge but some mexicans only speak spanish, they deserve basic rights and freedoms too.
Cow Hater: If they want rights they'll have to get them the same way we did, through rebellion.
Me: So they have to gain independance from the harsh conditions of farmers through senseless acts of violence and murder that could be avoided?
Cow Hater: yeah, we had to work for it, so should they, we can't just give them rights.
Well there you have it, an interview with a cow hater.
They are obviously not clear thinking humans and their actions can be considered
similiar to those of the Ku Klux Klan. They are bred from ignorance, and
we need to inform these cow haters how important it is to give equal treatment
Cows in Politics?
Yes, that's right, vote for a cow in 2000. Cows are quite possibly the most honest, nonviolent creatures alive, despite the rumors of cows using guns (see the news above.) I have never been betrayed by a cow, and a cow has never lied to me. Cows have always lived up to their expectations and never manipulate the people.
One flaw however, is that they do not have thumbs, there could be an issue trying to get them to sign legal documents, but we we can work that out using modern technology.
Cows are very productive and always
care for their young, and they never over-react to any situation. Cows
are always calm and mellow creatures, with the exception of car horns and
lightining. I have talked to some major parties and their primary concern
is that cows may be hostile over being raised and killed as a meat product.
To this I say, we must end the slaughter at some point and show them some
trust. Most importantly, has a cow ever lied to you?
Cow tipping: An Outrage!
Cow tipping has been an American
past time for some time now and it must be stopped. Cow tipping is a senseless
act of assault on innocent citizens. I have contacted law enforcement officials
several times to report these acts and they do nothing. While pushing a
cow in the middle of the night and watching a one ton creature fall over
might seem like a fun joke for all, it has absolutely devistating effects.
A cow is so scared that it may not produce milk for a period of time, and
the trauma on our gentle cows may last a lifetime.
Our Favorite Web Sites
An Archive of Random Thoughts and Links
The Onion: America's Finest News Source
The Diary of a poor Wal-Mart associate *MUST SEE*
Exploding Whales, no joke
Furniture Porn (yes, this is furniture having sex)
people have visited the Save Our Cows
website. This site was started on 4/27/00.
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